Checking In With Yourself

In Brave Space, I talk a lot about self-compassion. I think it's important to help battle the resistance and doubt that often arise when I write. But how do I know when I need self-compassion?

Often I will struggle without realizing I am suffering. And if I'm not aware of my suffering, I can't stop to soothe myself. If I just thrash internally, beating myself up with doubt or fear, I can do a lot of damage before I start to realize what's going on.

One of the reasons I love being creative is how I’ve trained myself to check in with myself while I'm creating. This check-in is a way to be mindful. I'll ask myself, "How are you doing? What's going on?" I create a moment to notice if I'm suffering so that I can offer myself compassion.

I like to put my hand on my heart to literally feel as if I am in touch with myself. I will often acknowledge to myself that I am suffering. I might name the emotion or whatever is going on, fear, jealousy, unmet needs, physical pain, etc.

Once it's named, much of its power is diminished. After a few deep breaths imagining sending myself compassion or love, I can move back into my work refreshed with a new attitude. Or I can figure out how to fix whatever problem has come up.

The ability to figure things out happens because I’ve calmed myself and shifted from fight/flight to the ventral vagal state often called rest/digest. This brings my brain back “online” so I can use it.

By creating a moment of connection to myself, I’m giving myself permission to connect to my creative work. This is why I feel as if I “must” create which, if I’m being really truthful, has limited my life in many ways. Now I'm trying to check in with myself even when I'm not being creative, as a kind of life practice!

I hope you can check in with yourself often to assess your needs (whether in the midst of creating or not) and send yourself some compassion or love.